Day One, Again

Pablo, through the eyes of Shepard Fairey.

That's our boy—his eyes, his smile, his super wide rays of light shooting out in all directions. Shepard is a dad, and hung with Pablo many times. He knows Pablo's rays were always there in real life. Everywhere Pablo went, a glare of light announced his arrival and in his wake a streak of lighting marked his trail....

Thank you Shepard and Amanda.

Jo Ann and I slept last night. Grady's still asleep. We all went to bed way too late. Jo Ann and I didn't talk about it, but I am sure we did not want to end the day we buried our precious little child. I am sure we didn't want to end the talk and laughter and reminiscing and smiles and, of course, the tears that continue to cleanse our hearts and our souls. I am sure of all that. So sure I don't even have to ask my wife. I just know it—I'm her husband.

I ask that you give me a few days—or as long as it takes—before I reflect on Memorial and Funeral. We are at yet another Day One. Today is the first day after we buried Pablo's physical body in the ground at Forest Lawn. He is now fully and completely at rest. Now we will begin our journey of looking for Pablo's spirit and energy in our lives, in each other, in the world. It's not hard. He cast a wide net, my little Scrapper.

I want to write about the past two days, and I will. But today it's too hard. I can't touch it yet. It's too hot. The experience was immense for all three of us, and for our family, inner circle of friends, and of course, everyone. We are lucky to witness each other's love the way we did on Tuesday and Wednesday. It's the best way to connect with Pablo. It's the best way to communicate with Pablo. The ray of light we are sending up to him is higher than the sky. That little boy is smiling. Trust me. I know—I'm his Papa.

There are too many stories and experiences to tell you. My mind is calm. But my heart races. I want to share everything with everyone. Right now. So many people's hearts are turned toward Pablo right now—I don't want to miss the moment. But the moment's gonna have to wait for us. I am aware that Lance Armstrong's video blog dedication to Pablo and his and Tweets about Pablo, and Shepard Fairey's illustration and the website dedication he and his wife Amanda wrote for Pablo, have brought the eyes and hearts of tens of thousands of people who never knew Pablo. I want to tell you all about the amazing, heart-crushing, soul-expanding experience we've had over the past 13 months. I just realized that I don't have to do anything for the newcomers. It's all documented here on the Pablog. All you have to do is page back, and you can read our true-to-life story of LOVE + HOPE + FUN + PASSION...and in the end: HEARTBREAK.

¶ This morning, Dorrie and I were sitting at the dining room table. I was eating breakfast. We were talking about the fun her kids Isaac and Nadya had with Pablo in the last two weeks of his life. Pablo and Nadya excitedly shared an order of pancakes a couple weeks ago at Mani's Cafe on Fairfax.

As we were talking, a dove landed on the deck railing outside. I pointed it out to Dorrie. Then another one flew over and landed. I screamed for Jo Ann. She told us the doves started coming around when Pablo's condition worsened last week, and that they are now building a nest in the 50 foot tree that lives two inches from the back of our house.

Let me stop here and tell you I am not embellishing this story. I am not making this up. It happened just like that.

About 20 minutes later, my brother Dean and his girlfriend Caroline sat down at the table. Dean and I looked up and saw two Monarch butterflies flutter up between the 50 foot tree and the deck railing. Our dear friend Paul Massa—the 'mayor' of New Orleans—released a hundred Monarchs yesterday at Pablo's graveside.

Let me stop again and tell you I am not embellishing this story. I am not making this up. It happened just like that.

Pablo is everywhere.

We still have a house full of friends and family, with more people streaming in every 10 minutes. Let me leave you, for now, with one last story, from the Moffett family. Harry Moffett is Pablo's best friend. Those of you who attended Pablo's memorial Tuesday night know Harry's dad, Don, cos he was our emcee. Harry's mom Kristal sent us this story last night:

Don and I wanted to take the kids back up to Pablo's grave and sit with him for a while and take it all in. It was so beautiful and peaceful, I know you guys know that already, that's why you picked it. We where all quiet and just being there and then this very strong smell of catholic incense came...but really strong. Don and I and the kids smelled it right away and all of a sudden. We looked around to see where it was coming from and then a white dove came shooting through us, over P's grave and up to the wall with Lincoln. As soon as that bird was at the wall the smell of the incense was gone. We were all blown away and when we got home Harry was asleep. When he woke up he told me he liked that Pablo had turned himself into a bird and that when he dies I need to watch for squirrels!!!!!!!!!!!!