Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water. ~Antoine Rivarol
My heart is heavy. I have been crying for three days. On Wednesday, my friend, Tish, wrote this on her son's caringbridge site:
God Answers Prayers. He not only answered our every prayer these past 8 months, but He never failed at guiding us with each and every bump and roadblock along the way. God's plan for Thomas and our family is to take him HOME to heaven.
I met Tish at baby Luke's memorial and we started crossing paths the very next day in the clinic. What a blessing for me. I was able to not only meet a remarkable mother, I mean truly remarkable, but I was also able to meet one of the most amazing young boys, her son, Thomas. In the short time that we have known each other, I have to admit, I have been greatly influenced by the strength and faith of precious Thomas.
It's an unique relationship, the CHLA cancer family. We become invested instantly in the progress of each other's children. Like Jeff has written before, another child's progress becomes synonymous with Pablo's progress, another family's hope becomes synonymous with our own. We had actually not become part of that "family" in the beginning of Pablo's treatment because we were not in patient for our first 12 weeks of chemo. Then, when we were there for 31 days last August for Pablo's multiple surgeries, we never really left our room. It wasn't until the new regimen was put into place for Pablo, that we started becoming all too familiar with the rooms and halls of the Day Hospital and the 4th Floor. That is where the family is formed. One parent introduces you to another, or you start to see the same child a few visits in a row, or you end up sharing a room up on 4W. Whatever the introduction, we are brought together and we belong together. We are mothers, fathers, advocates, soldiers and most importantly, friends.
Again, please continue to keep sweet Thomas and the Hearne family in your prayers.
As we close in on Pablo's final chemo treatment, I find that I am anxious and emotional. I have been praying for months for a sign that we should stop treatment as originally written by Dr. M, and I find that instead of one distinct tip-off, I have received many. The most recent being that Pablo's counts mysteriously dropped this week and it is a long shot that they will be recovered by Monday to start chemo. This is now, officially, our longest delay from the Dox/Cytoxan/Vincristine round. There will not be another one, so it's not too concerning, but definitely an indication of the toll that P's little body is taking due to all of this high dose chemo. Dr. M said again, actually, that if we told him that we wanted to stop chemo now that he wouldn't put up a fight. When I asked him if he was telling us that he recommends that we stop, he said, "No." His point being, that Pablo will have had enough.
My mom and our niece are coming for a visit this Monday - we are excited to see them!
And a head's up: Carrie will be organizing another healing circle sometime in the next few weeks - please stay tuned for details.