Sunday, June 28, 2009

View From Above

Our biker gang.... Heading out for a look at the place Pablo's physical body will call home....
It was magic hour—that special time in the hour or so before sunset when the sky is beautiful orange and the sun isn't quite as hot and intense as it is in the afternoon. Photographers and filmmakers make great use of this time of day in LA. I guess they're the ones who named in magic hour.

Tonight, the magic was all Pablo's. It led the way for a gang of us who hopped on bikes and rode through Griffith Park. Grady, Peter, Fred, Dean and I were headed to a climb that's known as Trash Truck Hill. We were on a mission to a road I know and love, a road so high up in the park, cars are not allowed. I told Pablo millions of stories about my climbs on this steep road—about how steep it is, about all the animals I'd see up there, and about the gorgeous view of the city.

The exact piece of road we were after was the bit that sits above Forest Lawn Cemetery. In the past year, I'd averted my eyes whenever I rode by the cemetery. This morning, I asked Peter if he wanted to ride up there—for the express purpose of pulling over and looking down on that vast swath of land on the back side of Griffith Park.

It was wonderful. It felt right. We all felt Pablo. Grady told me he thought of Pablo all the way up the steep climb and that it propelled him. Tonight was a real moment of clarity for Grady. I am proud of him. Losing Pablo has set Grady's life on a course. He knows it. He talked about it all the way down the hill. I could hear him talk about it all night. I'll let Grady tell you the rest.

While we were looking down at the cemetery, we saw three deer standing perfectly still in the green grass of the graveyard. I have always known that seeing deer is good luck—a sign of life. Please post a comment if you know the exact significance of this, so we know. At the start of the climb, I was about to mention to Peter that any sight of deer would be fantastic. Something distracted me, and I never said it. Doesn't matter. It happened.

After the deer, we stood in a circle, and did a standing meditation. My favorite kind of meditation. As we opened our eyes, half of the sun was already behind the western mountains. We stood there, and before our eyes, the sun dropped out of sight.

The glow, the purity, the hide + seek. It was our first Pablo sighting.... Or was it our tenth?

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are a brave and wonderful daddy...

Anonymous said...

we are so proud of all of you. keep pedaling your way through this mess. you are surrounded by pablo's light and joy all the time. the deer were just a reminder of what has been there the whole time.

xo

Anonymous said...

Pablo was on my mind all day today. I was more patient with and more kind to people today than I have been in a very long time. Thank you for lighting the way Pablo. You are impacting the world, always.

Anonymous said...

Deer symbolize love, gentleness, kindess, purity of purpose, walking in the light, meditation and love.

I am so glad I stopped by tonight. It was great to see your huge support sytstem in action. I could feel the love and warmth in the house. You are truly blessed.
xoxo, Danica

Prita said...

My mom lives out in the country and it is not uncommon to see deer running around. Yesterday, as I was unloading my car to bring stuff in the house, a lone suddenly deer ran past me into the woods. I usually see them in pairs. Perhaps that was a sign from Pablo that he is okay?

Anonymous said...

Not sure what the deer represent, but to me they are such elegant and noble creatures. I will never understand why some people feel the need to hunt and shoot them down.

Anonymous said...

I am super impressed with your perseverance in the time of such pain and heartbreak. I know for myself, when we lost our boy, I just hid under the covers for 2 months, not wanting to deal with the reality of the situation. The pain seared my lungs each time I took in a breath. I bargained with God, if he would only bring him back..(yes I really did beg for him to reappear like that would happen), but, I am amazed with how you are dealing with it all, with such grace and conviction and your blog is an ongoing tribute to your beautiful boy. I hope you keep writing. Thank you for sharing with us. It helps those of us that have walked your path..

Anonymous said...

In some parts of Asia, deer are considered to be conductors of soul and thus the robes of shamans are usually made out of deerskin. The Indians of North and South America also gave deer a spiritually important role. They believed that the souls of men passed into deer at the time of death.

Sounds like a lovely thing to see, to me.

--Bianca

Anonymous said...

You're the strongest, most caring family. All of my thoughts go to you and to Pablo's spirit.

Anonymous said...

The Deer is found in American Indian Medicine cards. The Deer's card is gentleness. Here is part of the explanation for Deer... A little lenghty but ..

Deer teaches us to use the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are trying to keep us from Sacred Mountain. Like the dappling of Fawn's coat, both the light and the dark may be loved to create gentleness and safety for those who are seeking peace. If Deer has gently nudged it's way into your cards today, you are being asked to find the gentleness of spirit that heals all wounds. Stop pushing so hard to get others to change and love them as they are. Apply gentleness to your present situation and become like the summer breeze warm and caring. This is your tool for solving the present dilemma you are facing . If you use it, you will connect with Sacred Mountain, your centering place of serenity, and Great Spirit will guide you.

There is a short story that comes with this but I though it would be too lengthy. Let me know if you want me to post it.

MB said...

This is my first visit to your blog. I just wanted to say that we share in your sorrow and are praying for your continued peace. Our beloved little boy, who was almost 8, died unexpectedly in February (after a tough recovery from what was supposed to be minor surgery that turned complicated).

LYNN said...

I went to the meditation at Bronson Park yesterday morning. It was so peaceful, so intimate, so moving - Pablo was everywhere - in the soft breeze that wafted through, in the warmth of the sunshine, in the beautiful blue of the sky. Pablo will always be with you.

You are all in my thoughts and in my heart,
Lynn

Cristina Comanescu said...

I have never seen such dignity and intelligence in a loss. You are in my thoughts although we have never met, Pablo is in my thoughts and in my heart. Last night I kept thinking about him, I read the entire blog and I found myself in awe. Over and over again. You are a splendid family.

Maybe you will find the time to read some of the books Elisabeth K├╝bler Ross has written. Or maybe you will read a book that can be rather soothing, it is called "Hello From Heaven".

Your life is inspirational and extremely powerful. It moved me, it will stay with me forever.

I know Pablo is happy now. You will be reunited.

Lois said...

I had a magical moment at Doctor's Park in Milwaukee... Jeff you know where, on that grassland on the bluff over Lake Michigan. One deer, right in the middle of it. Looking at me and my dog, time stood still...and then she deer actually played with us for a moment before she bounded off in time, and I fell back to earth. I always go there when I'm in Milwaukee, I went there so many times after we lost Rae Ellen and Allen's Dad. What I'm trying to say is YES! I know what you mean about the deer, and time and beauty and love and sadness. It's good to feel all those things and it's also okay not to always have the answers.

Anonymous said...

Deer-Gentleness

Deer...so gentle and loving you are.
The flower of kindness and embrace from afar.

One day Fawn heard Great Spirit calling her the top of Sacred Mountain. Fawn immediately started up the trail. She didn't know that a horrible demon guarded the way to the Great Spirit's lodge. The demon was trying to keep all the beings of creation from connecting with Great Spirit. He wanted all of Great Spirit's creatures to feel that Great Spirit didn't want to be disturbed. This would make the demon feel more powerful, and capable of causing them to fear him.

Fawn was not at all frightened when she came upon the demon. This was curious, as the demon was the archetype of all the ugly monsters that have ever been. The demon breathed fire and smoke and made disgusting sounds to frighten the Fawn. Any normal creature would have fled or died on the spot from fright.

Fawn, however, said gently to the demon, "Please let me pass. I'm on the way to see Great Spirit."

Fawn's eyes filled with love and compassion for this oversized bully of a demon. The demon was astounded by Fawn's lack of fear. No matter how he tried he could not frightened Fawn, because her love had penetrated his hardened, ugly heart.

Much to demon's dismay, his rock-heart began to melt, and his body shrank to the size of a walnut. Fawn's persistent love and gentleness has caused the meltdown of the demon. Due to this gentle ness and caring that Fawn embodied, the pathway is now clear for the Great Spirit's children to reach Sacred Mountain without having to feel the demons of fear blocking their way.

Deer teaches us the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are trying to keep us from Sacred Mountain. Like the dappling of Fawn's coat, both the light and the dark may be loved to create gentleness and safety for those who are seeking peace.

If Deer has gently nudged it's way into your cards today, you are being asked to find the gentleness of spirit that heals all wounds. Apply gentleness to your present situation and become like the summer breeze: warm and caring. This is your tool for solving the present dilemma you are facing. If you use it, you will connect with Sacred Mountain, your centering place of serenity, and Great Spirit will guide you.

From the Native American Medicine Cards

Love,
Carrie

Julie said...

Dear Jeff,

I just recently learned about Pablo's courageous battle with cancer. I read his blog last night and haven't been able to think of much else since. I am so sorry for your loss. Six years ago we lost our son three weeks after he was born to a random virus. His doctors compared it to the chances one has of being struck by lightening. The outpouring of support we received from friends, family and strangers really helped our healing process. I can tell from this blog what tremendous support is there for you. Pablo has touched so many people. Thank you so much for sharing his journey. My thoughts go out to you, your family and friends.

Love,
Julie Underwood

Ray said...

Jeff, you and the family have been on my mind 24/7 this past week. Much love to you all.

Sighting deer is very special to me. I've never thought about the significance until you mentioned it in your post. I do believe its a sign of life. While I've seen my fair share of deer, the most memorable was while I was hiking alone in the canyon and cliffs over Sedona, AZ. I was walking to the highest point that overlooks the valley after a very painful time in my life. I was sad. Angry. Hurt. I was in the middle of a 4th step too. On my way to the top there was a lone deer. We both stopped in our tracks, as we were both in each other's path. We stood there for what seemed like an eternity, staring at each other. The deer eventually moved on at a comfortable pace. That day, on top of the peak, I had what I consider the greatest, most memorable spiritual experience of my life.

All my love,
Ray

Anonymous said...

I am rejoicing that Pablo is sending you messages that he is at peace....always keep your heart open to receive them. Pablo is always with you...
love and prayers

Heather said...

You guys are honoring Pablo in such an amazing way. Such a healthy, enlightened way drift through this time in your life. I saw this commentary re: deer from ladyoftheearth.com...Pablo was SO with you today...

"The Deer's keynote is that of Gentleness and innocence a gentle luring to new
adventure."
"The deer is also a central religious image for Buddhism. Buddha is often
pictured with a deer, and legend tells how he first preached in a deer park.
This image itself reasserts the meaning of the deer as representing innocence
and a return to the wilderness."

"When deer shows up in your life it is time to be gentle with yourself and
others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. There is
going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures."
© Ted Andrews - Animal Speak

Lisa Hickey said...

My thoughts are with you guys, as they have been from the moment I logged on and fell in love with Pablo and your family, many months ago. We passed Forest Lawn coming home from our camping trip. It is in a beautiful location. I'm sure deer are abundant there. Thank you again for sharing your beautiful boy with all of us. His light is strong and true and it will guide many to gentleness of spirit. Grady, stay strong and know that your brotherly bond will never die.

Elizabeth said...

deer -- the eyes, the eyes

gentle love and wishes to you...

Anonymous said...

I'm sure the deer sighting was just another sign that Pablo is still here. Many cultures believe that after death our souls pass into the bodies of deer.
Pablo was just letting you know that he's still with you and that he is at peace.
Love and blessings to you all,
~Sandy

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing Pablo's (and your family's) story. Even though I have never met any of you, I will always remember Pablo's smiling face and his creative spirit which you have shared through your blog. I hope all of the wonderful memories your family has built together will continue to help you through this time. I continue to hold all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

With love,
Carrie Hall

Kiri Lin said...

I'm a friend of a friend & just wanted to send my condolences. I definitely feel that seeing those deer was a wonderful omen, and I think it's wonderful how strong you & your family are trying to stay. I'm sure Pablo is very proud.

Anonymous said...

Pablo is now your guardian angel, you will continue to see his beautiful signs in nature. We all sit back and learn from your unbelievable faith, love and spirit. While Pablo's time on this earth was way too short we all learned more from him about life and living than many offer in a lifetime. Thank you for sharing your beautiful boy with us!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm so challenged by your bravery and deep humanity Jeff. I lost somebody so dear to me to cancer just two years ago. She was my best friend, she helped me deliver my son, she was even dubbed Mommy #2. She was to be my back-up if something happened to me. To this day I can feel her hugs and I know that each and every fly in my kitchen is her (her joke being the fly on the wall, watching us). Pablo is the deer, knowing you would see him in the park! How wonderful is that!!!!! He knows, you know - voila!

Anonymous said...

Like others, I would like to thank you for sharing Pablo's life and spirit with me. I have never met Pablo, but through reading your blog over the last many months, I have come to love him dearly. I will always keep a special spot in my heart for Pablo.

Anonymous said...

According to some Native American Lore, Fawn faced a demon & melted his heart. If deer spirit catches your attention it is to encourage you to face difficulties with gentleness; Don't push too hard. You should allow loving and tenderness to assist in completing your tasks.
Celtic Lore has both Hind (small, female deer) & Stag representations:
Hind represents Subtlety, Gracefulness & Femininity (not necessarily female). Concentrating on Hind will soften your heart, open you to the healing feeling of love.
Stag stands for Pride, Independence & Purification. If you feel the strength of the Stag's protection, you will also feel the gentle way he moves through difficult situations.
Source(s):
Medicine Cards. The Druid Animal Oracle.

Anonymous said...

According to Ted Andrews' book, Animal-Speak, deer represent gentleness and innocence, as well as a gentle luring towards new adventure. Deer have acute hearing, and antlers represent psychic antennae, so the appearance of deer can also signify an increased perception (especially hearing), or increased psychic ability. Deer are also very important in Buddhist symbology. Buddha is often pictured accompanied by a tame deer. This image symbolizes innocence and a return to Mother Nature.

Anonymous said...

This visual itself reasserts the meaning of the deer as representing innocence and a return to the wilderness, as Pablo was innocent and has now returned..

Our energy fields are electromagnetic and exchanges of energy do occur with other people and places. The kind of energy a child is exposed to can have strong effects. Until the child's energy is strong and firmly grounded, it should be protected from extraneous influences.

These beautiful creatures are loving and protecting Pablo.

Peace & Love....Pam H. in NOLA

Cynthia Escanuelas said...

Unfortunately, I never had the pleasure of meeting your Pablo, but my son did. Pablo was surrounded by so much love and friends, he was very blessed. Your son was just so brave and had a lot of courage to fight until the end. No more pain for Pablo for he is now in heaven. I will pray for your family for strength during this difficult time. I will also light a candle of memory of your precious Pablo.

Anonymous said...

I lost a dear friend a little over a year ago. Like Pablo, she was a loving, playful and mischievous soul, but she was granted 96 years on this planet. She was always very tuned in to nature, and often deer came into her yard to eat the vegetation. She told me that they flew down the driveway, and I believed her! She would say, "I tell you, if we went away for two hours and left the doors open, when we came back the house would be FULL of animals!" After she passed, as much as I miss her, I realized that she was not longer confined to her physical form, and I began seeing her everywhere and in everything. I would laugh when I saw experienced something she would have found amusing, and I appreciated things twice as much, as if I were now seeing them for her as well. I think your family in all your wisdom and grace is already completely tuned in to these truths. God bless you all. Thank you for accepting all that has been placed on your path, and for serving as such graceful. brave, kind, and loving examples for us all.

Haley said...

You picked a beautiful spot for your beloved Pablo. I am sure his spirit will thrive here. Thank you for sharing his story. He will continue to live through all of our hearts. He has amazing parents!

Anonymous said...

Among other things, deer wisdom according to www.animalspirits.com includes "power of gratitude and giving" and "ability to sacrifice for the higher good".

Wow!

Teresa Newlin