You know what else? Every time we get a confirmation on a news piece or something as cool as Perez's support pops up on my email, I get the same feeling: I wish Pablo was jumping on my head and laughing and asking Jo Ann for food and pulling Grady's hair and going to the park with Polly. Of course I feel that way. I'd give up everything for that ultimate goal: to have Pablo back, here, in the physical realm.
But Pablo has not been here, in this house, since Saturday June 27 2009. So we are dedicated to carrying on his legacy of love and curiosity and passion in the name of The Pablove Foundation. We are dedicated to floating the biggest balloon as high in the sky as possible—to give back, to reach back, to help kids with cancer. And the people who help kids with cancer.
Sitting here typing in stunned gratitude for all these Pablove Foundation goals and the check marks beside them, I bring the focus of my heart back to Pablo. Our little boy with the everywhere hair, the four missing front teeth, the hands that were always alllllllmost as big as mine, the husky voice and the sinister laugh. Pablo: the reason we continue on, fighting childhood cancer with love. When I sit in Pablo's love, and remember his smile and how his eyes lit up when he was happy or excited, I am in clear connection with the source of my own passion, my own ability to carry on in my life. And certainly my motivation to ride across the continent.
Today, I will accept that all of this is happening. And that it's much-needed wind in the sails of The Pablove Foundation. I will also accept the bittersweetness of the blood in my veins at moments like these. I'd better accept it. At this point, there's no way off this train.