Sunday, September 6, 2009

Might As Well Jump

Pablo in mid-flight on his Geronimo! wall at Silverlake Park, Sunday June 14 2009


Today was day one for me. Another first day. I've just about had it with firsts. Too many too fast in too short a time. But this one was unavoidable. Today was my re-entry into the realm of hardcore scheduling, building and chasing goals. For me, this starts with getting to bed early (the wonky part—too much trepidation around actually attacking my goals), waking early (the easy part), jumping up and getting to it (the hard part).

I have a bunch of major goals: training for this insane cross-country ride that starts in one month and four days, business and foundation stuff, and most important, family stuff. Digging in on family has been tough with our home under the control of a mysterious, invisible enemy—after Pablo fought one for 14 months—called bed bugs or rodent mites or whatever the hell has invaded us. Re-entry was ever going to be easy. I didn't know why back when 're-entry' was an oblique, far-off fantasy.

Now I know why: I have no idea who I am, where I am or why I am. Jo Ann thinks returning to work will be good for me. I'm scared. It's been a long time since I've walked out the front door with this much mystery. Sad + somber strings play wherever I go. The slightest bit of stress feels like walking into a wildfire inside. I don't know what area to douse first. Jo Ann is always right about what's good for me. I trust her. So I'm jumping back in with both feet—and an utterly clear plan on how I want it to work. Starting over is what I'm calling this. And the speed is SLOW. Hitting the RESET button. Pumping the brakes.

In fact, the more I write the clearer this gets. I'm not re-entering anything. I can't go back in time. I have no interest in re-entering anything. That's a mental scam that does not work for me. I am simply starting over. Pablo was a massive force in my life. Pablo remains a massive force in my life. Everything is centered around moving hearts + minds + bodies. My mission in life is that simple. Everything I've outlined in my plan, as September 8 has loomed in the ever-decreasing distance, is tied to the movement of those three things: hearts + minds + bodies. Works for music. Works for our foundation. Works for my book. I'm not afraid to say it. Not afraid to do it. F that.

Pablo showed us the way. He moved all three of those things and more. He loved to receive our love, and loved to reflect it back on us with his wide voice, his insatiable curiosity and his glimmering eyes.

If my projections are right, I'm in for one Geronimo! jump after another.

Taking Monday off. See you Tuesday.

6 comments:

Jen said...

I have 4 words written on a sticky note attached to my monitor at work that I look at every day. Words that you said, or wrote rather, that help me to make progress against the goals both important and inane in my daily life. So now I repeat them to you, though I'm sure it doesn't make it easier but... oh kind sir, just Actually Fucking Do It :)

Dan said...

you go Jeff!!
LIVESTRONG.

stephanie said...

Sounds like you have a plan...that's good. When you are taking your Geronimo jumps, which will surely come, you know who will be right there taking those jumps with you. God Bless

Lesley said...

So hard to get started. So critically important. Once again, your courage--you & J--inspires us all. Gotta tell you that 3 summers ago, after B's initial surgery in NY--the start of our cancer adventure--we came home to rodent mites! I was 8 months pregnant & Nathaniel was 2. Fucking insane & downright apocalyptic. Love to you guys-- Lesley et al.

Mike said...

Warrior.......Be one.......

Lois said...

You've got a mission, your the guy to do it. Your the ONLY guy that could do it, so you've got to.

I have big Sunday info for you if you want....