Once in a while, I look back to the post from exactly one year ago. Today is one of those days. It's Christmas Eve, and I don't know what or how to feel. Well, I know that my insides feel like the pin has been pulled out of the grenade and nothing feels good. My brain is telling my emotions to get used to this. 'This' being Pablo's physical absence from our lives. That push and pull leaves me feeling...nothing. Guarded. Protected. Flat.
I just miss my son. Badly. Deeply.
A year ago today, our house was filled with hope and joy and gratitude. Most of all, it was filled with Pablo. And his five-year-old Xmas excitement. Today couldn't be more different.
Here's my post from last Christmas Eve. The brightness in Pablo's eyes might just be the perfect antidote to how low I'm feeling today.
We're flying to New Orleans tomorrow—our first family trip to Jo Ann's hometown in over two years. Another first. We'll be surrounded by family and friends. In fact, we're staying with Gretchen and Jon Drennan and their three kids. So we'll have no choice but to mix it up and keep our heads above water.
I'm wishing you a happy holiday season. Whatever you celebrate, we wish you all the best. Please hold Pablo in your heart tonight and tomorrow!